it's been so long

...yet the person i wanted to write about in my last entry still holds true, for she is the reason i wanted to write this entry. who knows? i might just keep blogging in here. this is probably my safest haven in terms of blogs because this is still solely my own and i doubt anyone reads this.

i guess a goal here is to try to open up and say why i'm really feelin' the song at an emotional level, not one that has to do with how good a subtle guitar strum is or whatnot.

another thing is i'll try really hard not to write like i have an audience. i think it's more sincere that way... so that means, no more links for the songs. i guess that's ok since no one really downloads them anyway.
-----------------------------------

this time the artist is Yeng Constantino.

i think she's amazing! she's a guitarist/singer/songwriter in the philippines and she's the grand champion of a show called "pinoy dream academy". although she's currently all up onz her 2nd album, i think her first single, hawak kamay, from her first album is still my favorite song from her.

it's basically a song about friendship. yeng is basically saying that she'll be there you (her friend) side by side, "holding hands". it's about her friend who thinks with all the problems going on around her, she feels like it's too much to handle - that the weight of the world is crushing her. yeng continues to say in the pre-chorus to chorus (in rough translation/paraphrasing): or why don't you call me, you'll know no matter when... holding hands, i'll never leave you in your journey in a world where nothing is certain.

the reason i identify with this song so much is because that's how i feel toward my friends. especially this school year, for some reason... has been a really trying and testing time. there's been a lot of losses this year... fathers, grandpas... and it hurts. the frustration of transition is upon those who are about to leave the college bubble. reality has come and it some people a lot harder than others, so it's easy to get winded and feel lost and want to give up.

i think the bridge says everything:

Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka (don't think that you're alone)
Laging isipin may makakasama (always think you have someone there)
Narito ako oh, Narito ako… (i'm here, oh i'm here)

i want to say that i'm there for those who need me. i would drop what i'm doing if they need to talk to me. the reality is that it's hard to not be physically there, especially if they need a hug, or they just need someone to sit in silence with them. i can't do any of that and that makes me feel helpless. helplessness is one of the worst feelings one can have.

but the only thing i can offer is that i'll be there with them in spirit. holding their hand in spirit. i'm still here for them. all i can do is lend an ear, and say a prayer.

waiting for the right time is making me anxious... but i hope she's ok. i'll try again and hope that i get to talk to her. i felt like i missed her like crazy for the past 2 weeks. i mean, i miss everyone, but sometimes my thoughts rotate themselves to someone and fixates on them for a week or so. maybe that's why i was thinking about her so much? cuz something was gonna happen? doubt it... but it's a coincidence. worrying is also one of the worst feelings someone can have.

but even with the helplessness and the worry, holding that hand always makes things a little better.